By Amber Bruce
Note: This was scheduled to be posted a few weeks ago, but a bug prevented it from posting on schedule. Our apologies.
The number of unmarried couples living together has increased from 430,000 to over 5.3 million in the past 50 years. What’s wrong with that, you ask? On one had, we have the increase of divorce, physical & sexual abuse, teen pregnancy, juvenile deliquency, and many other negative statistics increase along with it. The following facts are from Marriage101online.com:
COHABITATION FACTS
- 80% break up before the wedding or afterward in divorce
- Only 12% have a marriage that lasts over 10 years
- Cohabitation DECREASES the quality of the relationship
- Cohabitation INCREASES physical and emotional abuse
- Nearly 50% never marry, but repeat the cycle over and over
Children of Cohabitation
- 10 times more likely to be sexually abused by a stepparent
- 3 times more likely to be expelled from school
- 5 times more apt to live in poverty
- 22 times more likely to be incarcerated
- 3 times more likely to get pregnant as a teen
In addition to having negative consequences, cohabitation does not reflect God’s good and beautiful plan for marriage. God’s plan is for marriage to reflect the commitment that God has to his people. His plan is for husbands to reflect the sacrifical love and servant leadership that Christ has for his Bride (John 13:1-17; Eph 5:25 ). His plan is for wives to reflect the strong helper that Christ is to the Father ( Phil 2:5-11; 1 Cor 11:3). Read more about God’s plan for marriage in The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller.
Watch Marriage 101 Online’s 13-minutes session on Cohabitation at Marriage 101: Cohabitation.
By Amber Bruce
Note: This was scheduled to be posted a few weeks ago, but a bug prevented it from posting on time. Our apologies.
Counselor Merle Gebers put together this list of warning signs that a couple needs additional help outside of the small group. This doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be in the group, just that other ministries are needed to work alongside the group. If a couple in your group fits any of these descriptions, ask for Merle’s contact information at the church office.
1. A marital relationship where physical, emotional, or mental abuse is present.
2. A marital relationship where one or both people have an addiction.
3. A marital relationship where both people have been unfaithful.
4. A marital relationship where one or both people have an inherited, cyclic chemical imbalance that causes problems in the relationship.
5. A martial relationship where one or both people either consciously or unconsciously want out of the marital relationship. Identifiers for this issue may be 1) blaming the other person; 2) God told them to get a divorce due to “special” circumstances; and/or 3) comments like, “We been to six different counselors and no one can help us.”
6. A martial relationship where one or both people won’t do anything to make the marital relationship healthy and blames the other person for the problems.
7. A martial relationship where one or both people is severely depressed and most of the responsibility for everything in the home is placed on the other person’s shoulders.
8. A martial relationship where a young couple has multiple young children, one person works overtime or multiple jobs, the other person is overwhelmed with the children, and neither of them has life-giving experiences outside their time with the children.
Take-away: People fitting these descriptions are welcome in your small group but need additional help outside of the group. These issues will not be resolved in small group alone nor do you solely bear the responsibility as a leader.
By Amber Bruce
As we conclude the Campaign for Marriage, consider sharing this information about “Dinner for 4: Continuing the Conversation” with your group members. We are hoping to develop some cross-generational mentoring relationships. If your group is “more experienced” (e.g., older), you might want to tell them this idea was initiated by the younger generation. They want to be mentored, especially in marriage and family life.
The Campaign for Marriage has brought insight and encouragement to marriages throughout Bethel, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Through the summer we would like to invite you to build community around the dinner table with another couple in a different season of life. “Dinner for 4: Continuing the Conversation” is a chance to meet once a month (June-August only) in a home to continue the marriage conversation, while strengthening and encouraging one another.
Details and a sign-up card will be in your bulletin Sunday, May 27th. Then mark your calendars for the optional orientation Sunday, June 3rd at 10:45am in the Mountain View room. This orientation will give you more information about “Dinner for 4” and tips on how to make the most of your meetings together.
We hope everyone that is married or is soon-to-be married will take advantage of this great opportunity. If you have any questions, please email Stacy.Shradar@bethel-church.org and look for more information in your bulletin.
